A Letter To The Person Who Made Me Travel

 

I wanted you more than anyone else, but I pushed you away. I’m sorry.

You are an amazing creature. You are someone funny and intelligent and hardworking and sexy and thoughtful and sweet and different. You would always laugh even on my stupidest ideas. You’d smile at me even when I am on my grumpiest. You wanted me when I was loud and crazy, and you wanted me when I was silent. You knew me. Many times, you knocked on my door because you knew I had a bad day. Drove me to a coffee shop or a Chinese restaurant on those days you felt I needed a break from training. I wanted you more than anyone else, and I had you.

I’m sorry. I wasn’t contented.

The times you stayed outside my school, waiting for my late night practice to end just to have dinner with me were not enough. The daily morning messages were not enough. The kisses were not enough. The way you held my hand was not enough. The things you did were not enough. I wanted you more than anyone else, but it seemed like it was not enough.

I shut you off. I’m sorry.

You admired me the way I admired you. You looked at me deep. Deep to my soul like no one else ever did. You heard my heartbeat and you understood my silence. You wanted me. Except, you never loved me. You found me special.. but you never told me you love me. I wanted you more than anyone else, but you never loved me.

I loved you. I’m sorry.

You never loved me. The painful thought creeped for days then weeks then months. And the worst thing about the pain is that, it didn’t kill me fast. It lingered long and slow, little by little. Until I had too much I started to bleed. I bled through my mouth with the words I never wanted to say to you, “Leave”. I wanted you more than anyone else, but I pushed you away.

I thought I knew a heartbreak.

I thought I already knew what a heartbreak is. Until you walked away and left traces of good memories I followed every night before I sleep. And quietly, as I remembered the things we did, I shattered into very little pieces. I thought I knew what a heartbreak is. Until I saw photos of you, happy.. with someone else. And secretly, as I scrolled through your photos, I crushed into even smaller pieces.

You changed me.

And while you were in complete bliss and your life has already flipped to another chapter, I was still picking up my fragments. I lost the fire you started. The fire brought by my hopes that someday, somewhere along the road we would meet and continue our story. I’m still unwell. But gladly, I stopped wishing. I knew and felt from that point, all I wanted was to be happy.

Then, I travelled. 

Advertisements

17 responses to “A Letter To The Person Who Made Me Travel

  1. Pingback: A Letter To The Person Who Made Me Travel | Tumbles on the Beach·

  2. Hndi ako heartbroken pero nung nabasa ko to, i feel you kuya. I just hope na maka move-on at maging masaya ka na. ☺

    Like

  3. Isn’t it a bit contradictory? Saying she didn’t love you after all the things you said she did. You even admitted that you were the one who is NOT content…you pushed her away and shut her off…then saying she’s the one who didn’t love you. It’s just unfair for her (I think). Well, anyway it’s all in the past…just voicing out ,my opinion (that most likely will not be of any help to you hehe)…I hope na maka move on ka na…it wont be an easy process…and it most certainly be a long way before you’ll be able to…maraming flashbacks, may mga regrets, but in time, if you’ll allow it, you will heal…and all those (flashbacks, regrets, pain) magiging parte na lang ng past na one day babalikan mo…at ipagpapasalamat mo pa na napagdaanan mo. Goodluck and Kaya mo yan.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s